Saturday, December 5, 2009

JonSTAR moment

Scene: I'm chatting on the phone with Kate. JonSTAR is being his usual raucous self. The raucous-ness gets too much. I halt the conversation temporarily.
Me: YOU! ("pinning him to the spot" from across the room with my pointed finger. I pick up a cushion) THIS cushion (pointing at the cushion). YOUR name on it!! (I then throw the cushion at him in a typically awkward girly fashion). STOP!!! (with accompanying glare, to be interpreted as 'STOP doing all that naughty stuff NOW, cos Mummy SAYS SO!').

I continue my chat with Kate on the phone. Next thing you know JonSTAR has retrieved the thrown cushion from the floor and begins examining it intensely. Silence, while he thinks things over intensely then...
JonSTAR: Wait a minute!! This cushion doesn't have my name on it AT ALL!


Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Chimpun Kampun (All Greek to me...)

...At least that's what it says in the MTC little red vocab notebook - Chimpun Kampun = it's all Greek to me!

Today I suspect I witnessed a similar real life moment of "crossed wires".

An elderly-ish asian woman was making her way slowly through the Supermarket on crutches. A well meaning young man - who I came to realise probably didn't know her AT ALL - was shadowing her and trying to "help her out".

I suspected she was Japanese and so asked -moshikashitara, Nihonjin desu ka?
She confirmed in a vague, non-committal way that makes me wonder if she was in fact "confirming".

Regardless of this, I definitely got the feeling that she was probably wondering who the heck this supposedly "helpful" guy was who was following her all through the Supermarket and that he was actual more of a jama then a help.

Yep, she definitely had a strong repressed "IIIIIII no!" vibe/funiki about her.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Kid's Logic

Jonsta asks if he can have an apple (after I remind that he has to ask and can't just take). Jonsta decides (barely seconds later) that he really doesn't want that apple any more. Solution: he throws the whole thing - uneaten - in the BIN! A WHOLE apple. WHO does that?!

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

One hit wonder's progeny....

Another enlightening and amusing snippet of conversation between Fuzz and I...
Scene: A Miley Cyrus music video comes on....
Me: Ah, Miley Cyrus eh? (looking on with Motherly disapproval at her "do those shorts even cover her BUTT??" shorts) I purse my lips and say - just how old is this girl?!
(Me again) More famous than her Dad though.
Fuzz: Who's her Dad?
Me: (fixing Chris with an "isn't it OBVIOUS?!" type glare) Miley...CY-RUSSSS....? Oh, come on....
Fuzz: Really? Billy Ray Cyrus?
Me: YES. He stars on her tv show "Hannah Montana".
Fuzz: Huh. (with an "oh really?" tone)
Me: Yup. Billy Ray Cyrus - one hit wonder (I explain to Michael what one hit wonder means) - wouldn't that be a bit frustrating don't you think? You have this hugely popular song - just ONE song and then everyone forgets about you - but then your daughter - super famous - what's up with that?!
Fuzz: Oh well, Billy Ray Cyrus could NEVER wear those shorts.
Me: Point taken.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

MOvember, MOvember....

Last night Chris chatted with me about shaving off his beard and leaving a mo - for it is MOvember and that's what is done...more or less. He informed me that shaving it all off would take at least 15 mins, then he disappeared into the bathroom and reappeared some time later with a very unique "goatee". Whilst in the bathroom shaving or probably rather trimming and shaping said goatee, the following conversation had ensued:

Fuzz: It's MOvember - you're SUPPOSED to have a Mo
Me: Should I grow a Mo

Upon inspecting the "Mo" we both agreed that Chris looked like a cowboy and that he might in fact be in need of a ten gallon to finish off the look.
Still no response to the possibility of me having a Mo.

Then,..... this morning...
Sarukun's sick day from school turned into a continuation of the MOvember "debate".
And Lo...., here are the pictorial results!

Whoa! How's that for "overnight" growth?!

We also seem to have sprouted a troll doll

And a pajama-ed Pirate
Dubbed "Hair-vember" and "Eye-vember" by Sarukun - I don't think he quite gets the whole MOvember cause thing.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Wool "Nutter" follow-up

Remember this???

correction to your description

Hi there, The hat is really adorable, and I just wanted to point out that 100% acrylic is not perfect for little babies skin. Acrylic is a synthetic fiber, like a plastic, and can irritate skin with eczema and other skin conditions. It may feel like wool, but it's not natural at all. Using 100% wool or other natural fibre is best, organic is even better. Much success with your business! (Women's Name)

Well! She's struck again! Here's a message I only JUST received from her today.

Hi Ana,

Thanks for your email and I'm sorry for the delay. I lost my login in details and several computer crashes later I'm back on board.

I had never heard that about acrylic before and being a devout wool person was shocked! Not long after I wrote you several friends' babies developed eczema and this wool irritation was confirmed.

So thanks for correcting me! Best of luck with your sales :)
(Woman's name omitted)

Well thank GOODNESS for that! What a relief that she cleared that up! Now I can rest assured that I'm not a total NUTTER after all.
Now I can go on with my life.....

Saturday, October 31, 2009

"Candy from a baby"...

So - here's the scene - Jonts is attempting to play hangman with me - his rather disinterested Mum. Except playing with Jonts can be more frustrating than it already is with any child - you see he hasn't completely grasped the concept of hangman yet - mostly he doesn't get that when one guesses a letter correctly that you're supposed to fill in every space where that correctly guessed letter "appears". FRUSTRATING! So...we're kinda playing hangman and I can clearly see "pooh" at the end of the phrase - in my mind I think - well SURELY that's Winnie the "pooh" so I guess that. Nope. Well then it must be a Pooh and someone else. I guess "Tigger and Pooh" - nope. I give up. What is it? MY friends Tigger and Pooh! - Jonty exclaims. Arrrggghhhh.

It isn't till a few seconds later that I realise that Jonty (who has not filled out his "mystery" phrase) is still attempting to involve me in the same game. That's RIGHT. The same game wherein he just moments ago spilt the beans! I begin "guessing" letters in quick succession.

Suddenly, Jonty lets out an exasperated "OHHHHH!"
"This game is just TOO easy for you!" he huffs.

Friday, October 30, 2009

Mad Hatters....

(above - CLEARLY a "lout")

Earlier this week I was reading an article in the ODT regarding several bars in the Octagon and their owners who have got together with an initiative to (amongst other things) curb "loutish" behaviour in the Octagon at night - particularly in regards to their own premises of course. As a means to this they have accordingly enforced a "dress code" - no one is to be allowed to enter who is "wearing excessively ripped clothing (note revealing and scanty - STILL ok!), steel capped boots/shoes (fairly logical/understandable) OR beanies". ! .
Beanies! Beanies? I read this and immediately thought - how ridiculous! A beanie? REALLY?! What's wrong with a beanie? Since when did beanies become one of the prime indicators of one being a "lout"? Or that one would be the type prone to "loutish" behaviour? Now, let me put it to you - are they not setting themselves up for a rather large fall here? I mean, aside from the ridiculousness of banning people for merely wearing beanies - how is one to identify "beanies" and distinguish from other types of hats? It's leaving it entirely to the discretion of the bouncers really. THEY'RE probably wearing beanies! OR is this easily side-stepped by a clever response such as "Oh this? Oh no - THIS isn't a beanie. Oh no! Why it's a TOQUE*!!"
Bouncer: "Oh why didn't you say so? So sorry! In you go!"

*NOTE: Toque = Canadian term for beanie

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

...It's the little things....

Last week Chris and I were watching the tail end of a NZ version one of those "save us from certain financial doom!" type shows - at one point when they were going over various things with "this week's" struggling couple they (read here - financial "experts") allowed the woman to be treated to a manicure. As she sat having her nails done they explained to her that we have to allow ourselves at least one treat for sanity reasons and that this would be her one treat that she would still be allowed to have. At this point I turned to Chris and said,
"My one treat is to have hair ripped violently from my legs with hot wax. Yup, that's my treat."

What's yours?

Random Musings...

...One night earlier this week...
Chris: WHY am I SOOOOO tired lately?
Me: ...Perhaps you're pregnant!

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Fridge Invaders...

Jonty and Joseph are notorious fridge invaders.

I was just sitting thinking - I bet Joe is into the fridge again. I wonder what he's into now? I round the corner only to be presented with following delightful sight -

Glad wrap on the ground. Joe holding almost an entire cucumber, munching on the cut end and saying "mmmmmmm" very enthusiastically, with a look on his face that says "Got any more...?"

I doubt many parents are greeted with this sight.

I doubt many parents "fret" cos their kids keep "pilfering" veges from the fridge.

Yup. My kids are Vege FREAKS.


Epilogue....I cut Joe TWO generous, approximately centimetre thick slices for him. Upon hearing, "NO. That's ENOUGH." he promptly began crying...

Monday, October 5, 2009

Bowling for...Ice cream...?

We had a fam bam dinner at our house on Saturday night. Steak no less - once I had returned the stinky rotten meat of course. I also bought a tub of ice cream - not necessarily particularly for the occasion - we RARELY get ice cream. And I mean RARELY. It's a treat. Also I knew friends who were going to another friends' to view a certain "fight of the century" might want to stop by for one of my coveted Ice Chocolates and so I was just covering myself.
Anyway we all sat down to dinner - Mum had made a pudding and I informed her that I had bought ice cream to supplement it if necessary - cookies and cream - on Jonty's insistence. Anyway we all ate dinner and then it was time for pudding. Out came Mum's delicious chocolate sponge with fruit (peaches and apricots with a chocolate sponge poured over it and baked - yum!), whipped cream and ice cream. The ice cream tub was passed round and we all dished out for ourselves (bar the kids of course) - in fact I began to wonder what was really the point in having one person to dish out pudding for everyone - that is until I spied one of our guests (a friend over for dinner and to catch a ride to the aforementioned fight viewing) helping himself to two scoops of ice cream. Two LARGE scoops of ice cream. In fact LARGE is somewhat of an understatement - these scoops were pretty much exactly the size of the mini bowling balls at the Laser Force place on Frederick St - one scoop = one mini bowling ball, two scoops = two mini bowling balls. It was at this point that I happened to catch Dad also noticing our friend helping himself to the ice cream. Dad's eyes widened - in fact it was more of a whole face affair - and I could just hear his mind thinking aloud "JEEPERS!". I began giggling furiously and had to look down at my own bowl so as not to draw attention to the friend's portion. Michael noticed my fits of giggles and asked what was so funny. I replied, "Grandad's face," but didn't look up as I knew I would lose it.

THIS, I thought to myself, is why there is one person designated to dish out for everyone else. Yup.

Saturday, October 3, 2009

She can do MAGIC!!

Earlier this week the Monk-ster and I had the following conversation. His dad had just bought him a brand spanking new "tech deck" (tiny miniature skateboard) a few days earlier and he was all hyped about it and practising doing "tricks" with it....

Monk-ster: Mum! Can you do "tricks" with this...? (He proffered the tech deck in front of him in his hand)
Me: Why YES! (I snatched it from the proffered hand, raised both arms above my head with a ridiculous overdone flourish, then lowered them slipping the tech deck into my back pocket) Ta-dah!! I made it disappear!!
Monk-ster: Not that kind of "trick"! (said with an amused annoyance) Can you do any other "tricks"?"
Me: Yes!! (I quickly slipped the tech deck out of my back pocket) - I'm going to make it "re-appear" on the other side of the room (pointing - I then threw the tech deck - concealed in my hand - across the room feigning ignorance that the Monk-ster could clearly see my "trick"). I'm MAGIC!

Then we had a good laugh.

Just to clarify...

Preface - earlier that afternoon...
Fuzz: Mmmmmm..... Wholegrain...(grabbing a loaf...)
Me: Wholegrain....?
Fuzz: (grudgingly) Oh ok. Multigrain.
Me:It's not the same you know.

Later that evening...
Me: How about you make me some honey toast?
Fuzz: But all I've got is crappy Multigrain bread. I thought you didn't like crappy Multigrain bread.
Me: No. It's just that once I cracked my tooth on some Multigrain bread. I actually quite like Multigrain bread - it's the breaking my tooth part that I'm not so keen on...

Friday, October 2, 2009

How to make a checkout operator SQUIRM

For some time now, particularly as a former Mystery Shopper, I have been wondering how these Supermarkets, which are now charging for their plastic bags, are getting around the whole putting Raw meats in plastic bags rule - hmmmm?

So today whilst buying steak for dinner I thought I would voice my query. It went something like this:
(this was just after she had inquired as to whether I would like a plastic bag and I had said 'Yes').

Me: Sooooo.....I've just been sort of it is that Supermarkets are getting around this - aren't you supposed to put Raw Meats in a separate plastic bag? Because I used to be a Mystery Shopper (check out girl became VERY noticeably visibly nervous at this point) and that was one of the things we had to check for...
Visibly Nervous Checkout Girl: Uhhhhhh,.... I don't know, uhhhhhh.....

It was QUITE enjoyable to watch.

However I believe that quite possibly responding to a random checkout person's attempts to engage in overly zealous unnatural conversation with mirrored crazy person enthusiasm might also have the same effect. Quite possibly.

PS - In the end I had to take the meat back cos it STUNK and was clearly rotten - Chris said I had to do it because I am better at being mean, nasty and rude to people than him : P

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Boredom an excuse for stupidity...?

So it's one thing to throw eggs at your neighbours' house when there is no other place/direction that it could possibly have come from - THAT'S pretty stupid.

But choosing to throw eggs when ALL of your other siblings (possibles for fobbing off on...) are out of the house? Now THAT is practically brains sucked out of your head through your nostrils by invading aliens and turned into soup S-T-U-P-I-D.

Chris blames holiday boredom.
I say - about a gazillion billion miles PAST moronic.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

A bit of Monday morning fun.....

I saw this Alchemy request and couldn't help myself (tee hee) - stay tuned for my "bid" in response after the RIDICULOUS request.

Lot of Crochet Flowers Big and Little for my Knitted Baby Hats
posted 9/20/2009 , expires 10/11/2009

I am looking for someone to make me some big and little crocheted flowers. I will use them on my baby hats. I have another store on here that have all of my hats listed. This will be something I'd be repeatedly coming back for more.
I bet you will.* I'd be able to advertise your store in each listing and in my store this store sells you stuff for NOTHING!* I get a lot of photographers looking for something different. So, I'd be happy to send them your way. They love to buy crocheted flowers to just have in case they find something to put them on. No wonder at the price you're asking!*

Thank you!

*Italics - my witty little side commentary

My bid in response to this:

How much will it cost to make this: $12.00
Estimated shipping cost: $595.00

Describe exactly what you will make:
They would all have to be the same colour for it to be cost effective for me. And made from the same wool. How would you ship the item: By NZ International Airmail. Terms of payment: I require AT LEAST a 50% non-refundable deposit upfront before beginning any work, including postage and packaging. I accept only PayPal and credit card via PayPal. Submitted with glee!

Thursday, September 17, 2009

How easily "We" are amused....

This morning the Little Joe spent a good part of the morning lifting up the edge of my top to peak at my belly and have a good ole guffaw. REALLY. He seemed to think it was HIGHLY hilarious. He giggled. He chuckled. He shook with laughter. Methinks perhaps the child is revelling in his handy work...? Then he decided to give it a good poke, with his entire hand - no doubt checking its squish-ability.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Lazy domesticity....

I admit it. I'm inherently lazy. That's why I use gi-normous crochet hooks - things get done FASTER!! We like FASTER. I'm the same with cooking. I like making quick easy meals "from scratch" that are filling, delicious and look great and like A LOT of work has gone into them, but really....- tee hee! It's like sneaky devious cooking. I'm SO lazy I even have a list of what I call "default" meals - these are meals that I can whip up in about half an hour tops - ta da! I'm a magician!! the weekend I went on a crazy whirlwind road trip to Christchurch with a dear dear friend and got to visit some other friends there. Whilst visiting with one of these said friends we got on to the subject of cooking meals. I probably confessed something along the lines about my inherrent laziness, my list of default meals and that I ONLY make things that are
quick and easy! I also more or less told her that she was putting herself through undue stress over meals and that it could be SO MUCH EASIER! Hence the reason for this blog...and probably others to follow....
The plan: I am going to photograph my meals during the week and blog about them so you can all relax a bit more and indulge in lazy domesticity just like me!

So here we go.....
Superduper fast and easy magic meal number UNO:
Kiri's Vege Lasagne: (from my good friend Kiri Brooks)
You need -
1 can of tomatoes (400gms-ish)*- chopped is more agreeable for kiddies especially those who don't fancy cooked toms, this way they get all mushed in with and hidden among the other veges and are not so readily distinguishable from them.
1 can Watties Pasta Sauce (400gms-ish)* ( I use original but there are
a bunch of flavours - if you're out of pasta sauce suitable substitutes are a can of condensed tomato soup or tomato puree - I have used both of these - you may want to liberally add some basil and oregano to the mix if using these subs)
Assorted veges including pumpkin!
I use and have used pumpkin, broccoli, capsicum (usually green but any colour is fine), zucchini,
silverbeet, cucumber, celery, whole green baby beans, cauliflower and mushrooms to name a
1 pottle of cottage cheese (250gms)
Regular cheese - I use mild
Lasagne - wriggly bits of pasta or sheets - your preference
Decent sized oblong shaped dish
Soup Ladle
Large Spoon
Wooden Spatula
Can opener
A large pot
Step 1: Empty canned toms and pasta sauce into large pot with element
set to medium-ish heat - people using gas yours will cook faster - watch it doesn't burn! (I rinse the pasta sauce can out with cold water and tip that in the pot too to make sure I get ALL of the sauce)

Step 2: Chop/slice all your veges up however you like and chuck them in the pot
taking into consideration which will take the
longest to cook - so for instance I cut up my pumpkin first and cut the skin off too, then probably celery and capsicum and everything else - mushrooms and frozen vege last.
Step 3: Relax and wait for veges to cook - stirring every now and then. Maybe preheat the oven to about 180 (celsius - probably about 350 farenheit I think). Get otherstuff ready - grease your lasagne dish (I'm so lazy I use canola spray and then spread it around with a paper towel). Get other utensils out that you need for making the lasagne. Cover the bottom
of your dish with lasagne pieces. Do dishes and clear clutter!
Step 4: When the pumpkin is mush-able everything else will be cooked.

Using the ladle to get even distribution and cover the lasagne pieces/sheet remembering that you still need enough of the vege sauce mix for another layer.

Step 5: Open your pottle of cottage cheese and spread the whole
lot across the vege sauce mix - I use the back of a large spoon to do this - and I mean a LARGE spoon. To
make sure I don't have patchy
cottage cheese sometimes I even use
the spoon to place dollops of cottage cheese
around the dish and then I just smooth it all out and if I have any cottage cheese left I cover any spots that I missed!
Step 6: Another layer of Lasagne.
Step 7: Ladle on the rest of your vege sauce mix - make sure you cover everything well with
vege sauce/veges or your lasagne pieces will be crispy - my kids actually happen to like crispy bits of pasta though.
Step 8: We don't really need another full on layer of cheese on top
of that - just grate a little
sparingly over top and pop it in the oven for 40 mins - oh AND use the side of the grater with the
smaller holes = more grated cheese volume for a smaller amount of actual cheese grated. YUM.

I'm adding pictures with this (should be pix for all the steps).
What goes well with this? Salad - carrots, cucumber, gherkins, mushrooms with french dressing - maybe some sprouts sprinkled on top, maybe some toasted seeds. OR Potato salad - I chop my potatoes into salad size before I cook them to save time AND burnt fingers - add mayo, hardboiled eggs and gherkins - sprouts are nice with this TOO! - YUM! Or Roast some taters - that's easy! or Peel and slice some potatoes and boil them and THEN brown them up a little.
ENJOY everyone : )
....more to follow.....

*I put 400gms-ish because I'm not entirely sure of the EXACT gms and didn't want pedantic people (like me) hounding me saying they couldn't find the 400gms can of pasta sauce : P

PS - just so you all know my pictures were all sitting nicely the way they should and BLOGSPOT messed them up!

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Custom order Etiquette

Dear Alchemy Requester,

The image you have attached to your request is so tiny I can't make out any detail and won't possibly be able to exactly replicate the ripped off design that you want me to copy. Please attach larger image.

Wish Granter/Custom order filler

Saturday, September 5, 2009


Jonty: (talking about a friend and said friend's new fancy schmancy Ben 10 toy) ... and it has little discs that shoot out when you push the button, and now he says that he can actually turn into ALIENS with it, BUT I'm pretty sure that he's LYING.....(trails off)
Me: Nothing gets past you...
Jonty: Yep....we'll just have to wait and see....

Friday, September 4, 2009

Flagging Fun!


Tonight I put the Etsy Alchemy "Flagging/Report" button to productive use. Saw a request that wasn't a request. Got RILED. Signed in. Flagged the request. Now for the part I was looking forward to MOST.
Under "Any additional comments?" I entered:

- bet I made some frustrated Etsy Admin's night :P

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Amusing Fam Bam Snippets.....

(Yesterday in the car, after school)
....We had pretty much just pulled in and Jonty begins to squirm most suspiciously in the back seat...
Me: Jonty. JONTY (it can be hard to get this child's attention) - do you need to go to the toilet??
Jonty: (brain whirring away and processing what Mummy has said - pause while that occurs) - Oh. Yes.
Me: Come on then. Inside!
a few seconds later, Jonty is ALMOST out of the car, when he becomes distracted...
Jonty: flag!!! (turning back to retrieve it)
Me: Flag schmag!! I'm more concerned with you NOT peeing in my car!

(This morning as I set about putting the recycling bin out)
....Michael follows me down the hallway proclaiming loudly to all, then he zeroes in on me and repeats what he has just said, with a question added...
Michael: Hey Mum! I'm really good at juggling with one hand, but I can't juggle otherwise. How about you...? Are you really good at juggling with one hand?
Me: "Juggling" with one hand is just throwing and catching. It's not juggling at all.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

To the blog!!! (said like "To the batmobile!"

correction to your description

Hi there, The hat is really adorable, and I just wanted to point out that 100% acrylic is not perfect for little babies skin. Acrylic is a synthetic fiber, like a plastic, and can irritate skin with eczema and other skin conditions. It may feel like wool, but it's not natural at all. Using 100% wool or other natural fibre is best, organic is even better. Much success with your business! (Women's Name)

WHO does THIS?!?!

My Response:
Hi there yourself, Thank you for your concerned advice. I never do say at any time that Acrylic is a natural fibre - I am quite aware that it is not. I have 3 children and they all have eczema to certain degrees - in fact 2 of them have quite bad eczema which is irritated by wool. I was merely meaning to state that Acrylic can be a good alternative to wool for children with sensitive skin - in particular those with eczema - especially since Acrylic is often given such a bad rap, whilst Wool is always lauded as this "all perfect" substance - not so. I do not consider a substance, however natural, that causes your child's skin to erupt in a red angry rash to be "all perfect", much less "best". Thank you for sharing your heartfelt opinion, but I will be leaving my description (which - from my OWN personal experience - I feel is a true and accurate description) as is. Cheers, Ana

WHO is this woman?!? What, she wanders the net at night trolling crafty item descriptions to nitpick at?!!!



I also REALLY wish I could have used italics in my response - if I could have I would have typed it like this:
"Thank you for sharing your heartfelt opinion,"

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Fire ALL torpedoes!!!

A dear friend came to visit yesterday (family in tow). As they were preparing to leave after their visit her husband (also a friend - and the reason for me keeping their identities anon...) began the badgering. YOU guys should have FOUR. When's number FOUR coming? You should have a GIRL!
My calm response: I JUST only seem to be able to have boys. No girls.
The badgering continued...
Awwww, but you've just GOT to have a girl...why NOT?!
My response: The miscarriages I had between pregnancies were girls.
We have a hit!!!

That shut him up : P

Thursday, August 27, 2009

A chat with Master Jonts

Yesterday evening I made a quick trip to the Supermarket with Jonts for milk and rice crackers. It is not a particularly usual occurrence for Jonty to accompany me on an outing and the following amusing conversation ensued. It went something like this:

I asked Jonts how school was/what they were learning about today. Jonts begins to tell me about (his interpretation bear in mind...) some guy who was trying to park his car and drove (or rather backed?) right into someone's house. I immediately realised just what incident he was talking about (because we drove past it just after the fact!), and said something like:
"Oh Jonts - I know what that was! That's right near our house. Someone drove their car right into someone's house. Don't you remember seeing?"
Jonts mumbles something hoping to reaffirm his previous comment about some guy just trying to park his car....I smile, amused.
"Jonts," I say," I reckon that guy who drove his car into that house must've been PRETTY drunk, eh?"
Jonts matter-of-factly replies, "Aw no, Mum. I think he was just pretending to be blind."

pffffffft! tee hee!

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

You're kidding - RIGHT?!


Size MATTERS....

I was just reflecting on clothing sizes, in particular mine. Pre-children: 24 inch waist. Post children: (THREE of 'em) 28 inch waist. Not bad. In fact relatively speaking, I thought to myself, my waist is still quite small...relatively comparison to certain other parts of me. Still quite small. Relatively. Then I found myself thinking HOWEVER....unfortunately it's really not one's waist that one has trouble fitting into clothing....rather those other particular!

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Oh wondrous Milo!!! (the drink people, the DRINK)

I was just sitting, thinking to myself today and the thought entered my mind..."I wonder if I could survive solely on Milo"...which reminded me of a Milo advert that came on the tv the other night...It was one of those celebratory Anniversary type adverts where the company raves about their glorious product and how it is made with all the bestest of the best ingredients and how it's wholesome goodness (complete with MSG, additives, preservatives and added colouring) have been looking after YOUR kids for a gazillion years - funny that, I thought I had something to do with the rearing of my children...anyway - one of those adverts - you know the ones. I sat there and I remember the deep resonating radio-type voice booming out from the television something along the lines of "Milo, made from the full wholesome goodness of Malt, has been providing health and energy for your children now for blah blah blah years"
Not missing a beat, I responded aloud, "And that is just the VERY reason why I have Milo, myself. EXACTLY that."

Somewhere in the background Chris snorted.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Interpretation, interpretation, interpretation!!

Dear circular distributors,

Just because I don't have a sign which clearly reads "NO CIRCULARS" (or other similarly worded signs) on my letterbox - would you believe that it DOESN'T actually mean that I would like at least THREE copies of EVERY circular that you have? No, not even close...

Signed Sincerely "Because I know you really care"

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

A glimpse into Baby Joe's psyche...

Me: Hello my beautiful smelling baby (giving him a kiss)
(- please note, the following is my imagined response for Joe if he could speak - by "speak" I mean speak in coherrent, logical words and sentences instead of the nonsensical babble with which he currently "communicates" ....)
Joe: Hello my beautiful, wonderful Mummy who cleaned me and my highchair up in all my explosive poo nastiness. I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUU!!!!!

...Well,....that's my interpretation anyway.....

Monday, August 10, 2009

Somethin' for nothin'.....

Question: What can I get for $2?
Response: a $2 stamp. But you'll have to pick it up.

Thursday, August 6, 2009


What is this you ask? Why it is some of last night's left over salad - match stick-ish slivers of carrot, cucumber and gherkin - side dish to an array of delicious roast chicken and roast vegetables (the standard - potatoes, kumara, pumpkin).
To the matter - Young Master Joseph, when presented with this sumptuous meal of roasted delights choose rather to down his entire salad portion in a matter of seconds. ALL OF IT. BEFORE eating anything else.


I love you Joseph.


Our recent new contemporary art Lounge Feature, "created" by Michael

....with finishing touches by Joseph.

Saturday, August 1, 2009

In a pickle....

..."Scene opens".....
Brushing teeth in front of the mirror Sunday morning...seconds away from leaving for church - ON TIME even!...The toothbrush randomly escapes my mouth splattering the mirror with a smallish splattering of toothpaste...splatter...oh no...! I assess the situation...there is toothpaste splatter on the mirror...the mirror has SPLATTER on it! It needs cleaning....what to do....clean toothpaste splatter off mirror...? OR...... get to church on time....oooh-er....dilemma!

Wednesday, July 29, 2009


I was just checking in on an Australian site I used to consign with - they now only do Wholesale. Anyway, my details should have been removed but imagine my surprise to find not only my entire "all-about-me" designer blurb but my EMAIL address (that is just like bling overload for spam-magpies) still there amongst all the other designers' info with just one I type up a pleasant, civil even, email requesting that ALL my info/details/EMAIL be removed please...only I addressed it to Pam.....when it should have been addressed to.... Jan....

How bad is that?

IS that bad?

OoooOOooopsss! : P

I hope she still removes my info.

Saturday, July 25, 2009

I'm holding you WHOLLY responsible!!

Dear Pams Brand/Foodstuffs,

Last night I was late finishing dinner. I was occupied by the mess left by YOUR brand 4L milk carton (that I had only just bought the day before) had made all over the inside of my fridge! Why should that cause me such delay?
1. I had to find my camera.
2. I had to take pictures (for PROOF!) of the mess YOUR defectively sealed milk had made inside MY fridge.
3. I had to clean the carton.
4.I had to clean the copius puddles of milk inside my fridge.
5. I had to clean other items soiled by the milk.
6. I had to walk and scan my formerly gleaming kitchen floor in a grid-search-like pattern blotting at spots of milk from the carton which STILL leaked when placed upright!!!

Your fault, YOUR fault, YOUR FAULT!!!

See that you seal cartons PROPERLY! GRRRRRRRRR!!

Disgruntled Me

PS - I hope your improperly sealed carton didn't result in spoiling the milk, which we have all consumed now, and that we don't all die a horrible torturesome death from food poisoning - if we do however I foresee you being in considerable trouble : )

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

One glove to fit them all...?

Me: One size fits all eh?
Chris: Whaaaat?
Me: I sense you struggling to put those on and that they're cutting off blood circulation....
(said as Fuzz struggled to squeeze into a pair of disposable plastic gloves)

The Devil you know....

Random facts about ME!!
1. I'm a fussy parker - I want, no, NEED an even amount of space on either side of the car in addition to parking between the two white lines or parking space outline - and I will reverse and correct till it's PERFECT damn it!
2. I won't park next to someone who has parked badly - that is someone who has parked too near, on OR over the line separating our parking spaces ORRR someone parked opposite my park who has the entire front end of their car parked where mine should be - it's as much for the actual difficulty in parking next to someone who parks like this, as for the "fear" that others will view my parking skills scathingly since I neccessarily need to park just as badly to park next to them.
3. I analyse things.
4. I am cynical.
5. I am sarcastic.
6. I have been told that I look like Sade - SNORRRRRT! (this TRULY deserves a snort-ish laugh)
7. I yell at my kids in Japanese when I'm mad.
8. I yell in Japanese when I'm mad just in general.
9. Sometimes I yell at the kids in Samoan - very rarely - I'm trying other languages to see which is the most effective as English doesn't seem to cut it.
10. I am fussy in other things - I will undo an entire crochet creation to correct a missed stitch. FUSSY!
11. I know that sarcasm is totally lost on kids and revel in using it anyway. Frequently.
12. I am probably going to hell for my cynical and ridiculing frequent use of sarcasm.
13. I am allergic to a bunch of things, most of which I don't know about.
14. I like doing things for myself and learning to do those things I can't do yet so that I can!
15. Technically my name is from a Greek preposition.
16. I am a freakish Grammar geek and incorrect syntax causes me to physically and visibly cringe.
17. I am pedantic and will delete my own comments even and repost them corrected because of incorrect Grammar and/or spelling errors!

Sunday, July 19, 2009


Dear Supermarkets,

If you wish to sell Tropical/Foreign Fruit and Vege - such as for instance Taro - you really should hire/enlist the aid of someone who has experience regarding the purchase of such exotic items. REALLY. Failing to do so will result in you purchasing Fruit and Vege that bugs will scoff at devouring. Pretty soon people are going to start to talk. Talk about what? Talk about how you're practically charging your customers to throw out YOUR rubbish.

So...till you are able to find the relevant experts to assist you in making wise future's a little tip that will hopefully ensure your next purchases are a little more ...savvy.... MOULD is a fairly good general indicator of a BAD purchase choice.

Produce Quality Shark

Friday, July 17, 2009

Fun with knives....

Years ago I worked as a Merchandiser doing direct sales - we went into businesses and sold to employees working there - anything and everything. This particular time I was selling knife sets and I had gone into a computer store - the salesman that I was selling to bent down to check out my "REALLY NICE shoes" (just like it was a Tui ad...), he then interrupted my sales spiel to ask if I had a boyfriend so I came right back with - "I dunno, are you gonna buy some knives?"
He wrote me out a cheque right away.

Creepy slimeball.
To this day I'm so surprised it didn't bounce!

(This is in response to a fellow Etsyian's hilarious blog about being propositioned at a market by a mud covered man who asked her on a date to collect bottles with him)

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Poetic license

I was only just trolling Etsy for a high waisted denim pencil skirt. I thought to myself - that would certainly look swish. So I enter "high waisted denim pencil skirt" in the search engine and hit enter - 6 results spring up. Now initially I find myself quite amused by one particular skirt which claims to be high waisted and a pencil skirt and denim - denim it was - high waisted? I doubt it would be long enough to reach one's butt - let alone cover it - that "skirt" is nothing BUT waist. MORE like LOOOOONNNNNNG waisted...and er, well....little else...

Then I saw, among the 6, this little number (emphasis on the little) :
Now why, WHY, WHY OHHHHHHHHHHHH WHY??!?! would "Leopard Lace Shorts" show up in a search for a "High waisted denim pencil skirt" you ask? Why that is because the completely unscrupulous peoples selling said SHORTS have used "high waisted", "denim" and "denim skirt" as tags for their item which would you believe is NOT "high waisted" at all, is made from FLEECE - no not "denim" would you believe, ANNNNNNNND is not even - yep, you guessed it! - not even a "skirt"!!! Not only that, but the seller has ALSO used "blue" as a tag while in their description they clearly state that the "shorts" (NOT skirt!) are lime green and PURPLE.


My search for the perfect high waisted denim pencil skirt is forgotten. In fact, I think I would be hard pressed to think of anything more irksome and enraging. I know there is such a thing as "poetic license" but describing something as something that it is not at all - am I missing something here?! It's like sugar coating a razor blade and giving it to a blind person, telling them it's a new type of hard jube - no?

Who knew "Poetic license" had such a broad scope...? Ohhhh the possibilities....

Monday, July 13, 2009

A snippet of (L)ydiate life...

Chris: Who's the better dancer - Me or Michael?
(brief pause whilst I survey and assess dancing)
Me: Well your's definitely wins points for the LEAST likely to injure others or break things....

Sunday, July 12, 2009

I only just noticed this!!! ARRRRGGGHHHH!

I've only just noticed this - the dates seem to be set to US time. Arrgggghhh! This IRKS me no end.

Refinement Process....'ll just have to be happy with this pic. It's not exactly the same blend....this one's a well thought through mix of Whittaker's Dark Block, Snot (a staple ingredient it seems) and Vege Lasagne.... Blend well and....ENJOY!

Actually I can't decide between this picture and another where he looks rather'll have to be this one...
Btw...all JoJo flavours are personally blended atop his "unlicensed" high chair.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

A taste for change...

I suspect Joseph was working on an all new flavour of "every flavour beans" yesterday morning in preparation for the premiere of the latest HP installment...Marmite, snot and Olive oil spread - think it'll take?

(You'll just have to imagine him completely slathered in a mixture of Marmite, spread and snot - with the odd toast crumb - I'm sorry I just can't let things like that stand - I HAD to clean him!!!)

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Spell Cheque...(sp)

Michael wanted to know what the red lines were and how you got them there when you are typing...
Mum: That's because Americans spell things incorrectly...
Michael: Oh....(pausing to think intently on this...)...Do they know how to spell 'Monday'?"
Mum: (chortle) Uh, yes.

Sunday snippet....

...Home today from church with sickly Jonty - it seems his amusing and oft times completely irrelevant responses are not just limited to Primary.

Mummy: Hey Jonty, why don't we read a scripture or two and then play a game of mini monopoly?
Jonty: OHHHHH!!!!( It is imminently difficult to accurately convey with mere words Jonty's Melodramatic Soap Operatic Level enthusiastic responses) Mummy! OHHH!! That would be a GREAT idea!
Mummy: Okay go and get my scriptures please.
Jonty: OKAY!!!!!
Mummy: How about we read one of your favourite stories or scriptures?
Mummy: Okay then. What's your favourite? Which story or scripture do you want to read?
Jonty: Chapter 11.
Mummy: There are a lot of Chapter 11s.......Which is your favourite?
Jonty: (intently scanning and searching each page with his finger, then finally....) THIS one.
Mummy: Uhhhh....THAT..... is the INDEX.

Equally classic is Michael's spontaeneous reaction when I reported this snippet of conversation to

Thursday, June 11, 2009

On the Lord's Errand...?

Here's Joseph caught in the act of helping himself to a twenty from Mummy's wallet. Actually it's tithing that I neglected to pay last Sunday. Must be collecting for the Lord.

Monday, June 8, 2009

Intruder/Stranger Deterrants... is my proposed plan to deter fence hopping intruders...

I propose we start up a friendly neighbourhood Mormon Book Club - we will diligently meet daily, suitably rugged up and set up under our bare plum tree conveniently right beside the collapsing fence. There will be a four week rotation - of the standard works. As "strangers" approach the fence (from either Glen Rd side - the more common, or Leckhampton Ct side) we shall all great them with unbridled enthusiasm, inviting them to join our delightful Book Club and offering a free copy of ...none other than...THE BOOK OF MORMON..! 

What think ye - effective? Less effective? I would LOVE to hear your deterrant ideas. My thoughts are a Book Club would be eminently more economically prudent in the current economic climate than say building a new, impenetrable fence or buying a bloodthirsty dog trained to attack fence-hoppers....

What can I say? - just trying to do my part to help speed our Nation's economic recovery...

Who's that..?!

Scene: Night, outside our house, Mum and Dad are getting in their car after FHE.
Girl walks up our drive way in front of their car at the bottom of the drive.
Me: (forcedly and with fiercely pursed lips) HELLO!
Girl: (as if just now realising that other people are present) Oh hello... (continues walking)
Dad: Who is THAT?!!
Me: (Loudly in the hopes that the girl, who doesn't seem to realise that taking a short cut through strangers' yards is ODD and RUDE, will hear) Oh, just some RANDOM STRANGER using OUR property as a thoroughfare.

I should start charging a fee. Either that or tear down the current property separating fence and install a new one complete with prison style flood lights, sirens and weight triggered spikes...

Thursday, June 4, 2009


So yesterday I'm at the dental school for appointment...obviously...and I'm lying there in the chair while this senior dental student is injecting my gums full of "sleepy juice" - apparently this is what they tell school children it is called - and you know it does actually sound much better....
    Anyway so I'm lying there half my face slowly going numb and (it's actually quite amazing just HOW uncomfortable being jabbed with a needle can still be even when completely numb...) and I get to thinking...I don't like having the dentist put needles in my mouth or rather I don't think I would like it if ANYBODY were to put needles in my mouth regardless of who they were. As the dentist injects my gum(s) my mind begins to fill with wild thoughts of paranoia - ahhhh! There is a needle in my mouth! AaaahhhHHHHHhhhh! What if in a sudden fit of lunacy she misses and jabs right through my cheek! AaahHHHhhhhh! Needles! Ahhh! SCARY!!! ...I also keep catching myself tensing - we're talking whole body tensing - and then trying, rather unsuccessfully, to reassure myself - it's ok, does this all the time, know's what she's doing- RELAX! - and then attempting to relax, then tensing...SO whilst I was in the midst of this jumbled and paranoid train of thought it suddenly dawned on me how ironic and ridiculous it was. I mean really - needle - not much potential damage can be caused with a needle really compared with a DRILL and yet - TOTALLY fine with drills in the mouth. Why is that? - I found myself thinking. HOW ridiculous is that?! 

CrAZY logic I tell ya!

Friday, May 22, 2009

Just this....
your thoughts?
My thoughts: hahahahhahahahhahahahahhahahahahahahhahahahhahahahahhahahahhahaha. Ha!

Friday, May 15, 2009

Highly anticipated.....!

Ok. So here it finally is. Probably the blog you have all no doubt been waiting for ever since I started up this blog - yep! About crochet. A crochet VENT to be more exact. Sherry has been getting at me for some time now to do some how-to's and put them on youtube. She mentioned that she had found several really helpful one's on there - probably not too helpful though considering she learnt to crochet here in NZ and using British terminology though! You're a clever girl though - sure you have it all sorted. ANYWAY. I decided I would go on youtube and check out what was available. I clicked on pretty much the first one I saw - how to crochet a hat. GRRR! I saw 3 things straight away that made me want to gripe! 
1. Too many stitches to start with - 6 stitches to form the starting ring? You can fit your finger through that!!- MY advice - start with a few stitches - 3 is good. This will form a tighter ring and no big gaping hole at the top - after all it's meant to keep your head warm and how much warmth is escaping through that hole on the top of a hat? REALLY!!
2. To form the first stitches into a ring they advised joining it together with double crochet (single crochet for you Americans) - WHAT are they THINKING?!? That will make a big bump at the start of the round and it will be uneven - Yeecchhh!! Slip stitch my dears will give a nice seamless join and it's VERY simple. Take your hook which should have the last stitch you made on it and put it through the very first stitch you made. Wind yarn/wool round your hook and pull it through both stitches or loops. There. Done. Seamless. THAT easy. Lovely.
3. When they began making the hat they crocheted into individual stitches instead of crocheting into the middle of the ring they had just formed. This is just untidy. For me - crocheting into the middle of the ring just gives it a more tidy and appealing finish. Why do it the other way when it could be pretty and neat? I always crochet INTO the ring. Much better.

Oh and I forgot - there was actually another thing that bugged me.

4. When you make a hat you are making a round or circular shape - or at least initially. To do this you crochet or work your rows in either a spiral or in rounds - basically rows that go around as opposed to back and forth. To get your circular shape (the size of this initial circular shape will determine what size or what size head the hat can inevitably fit) you need to increase regularly and evenly - to increase you crochet two stitches into one stitch ie. you crochet two stitches into the space where you would normally crochet two. But how frequently to increase? And how to keep track of stitches? How to know how many stitches you should have? How to know when you have completed a round (row)? - particularly difficult when you're crocheting in a spiral. Not so hard when you are working with bigger stitches like trebles (US double crochet) - however then there is the matter of the "seam" showing and how to keep it from being a ghastly diagonal line across the back of the hat - oh ho ho you say - does she have the answer? Why yes, of course!
  To the matter though - how to keep track of stitches - which means how to know where and when to increase, how many stitches you should have and how to know when you've completed a round (row). It's as easy as times tables. On youtube the thing that got ME was that the would-be "instructor" said "an easy way I find for remembering how to do this is...." and then no helpful method was offered whatsoever - what's up with that?!! For me the easy way to keep track of everything is to know your times tables. This is a pretty typical formula for hats - start with a small number of stitches - 3 for instance. Slip stitch end to the beginning - forming a ring. For your next row double the amount of stitches so - let's say we're using double crochet (US sc) - 6 double crochet into the middle of the ring - if you were working rounds you would join the last stitch to the first with slip stitch, IF spirals then you would just keep going. Next round (row) - double again so 12 stitches - you're increasing so 2 stitches into each of the previous round's 6 stitches. 6 is basically the base number here so you're working in multiples of 6 - so you've had 6 for your first round, then doubled it for 12 in your second round - OR increased in EVERY stitch
(2 times 6) so the logical progression from there is that you're going to be increasing in every SECOND stitch (think 3 times 6) which will give you 18 stitches. You carry on in this fashion till you've created a "base" (top of the hat but it's your base in so far as the hat get's its shape and size from it) that you think is sufficient and then you work straight on those stitches till you get your desired length and finish off. There. Basic hat. I count as I do each row and it's particularly helpful when you're crocheting in a spiral as if you are counting as you go and find there is an extra stitch in between increases you will know that you've finished the previous round and are onto the next. You can also see and count the stitches to check your count is correct. No stitch counter or marker necessary - and it's faster!

So basic rules. Double the number of stitches to make the ring. Increase in every stitch next round. Increase in every second, then third and so on till you get the shape you want. Crochet into the ring at the start for a neater finish and appearance and use a smaller amount of stitches at the start for your ring for a smaller or virtually no hole at the top.

I didn't watch the youtube vid any further as I saw only the first few seconds and it annoyed me so I had to come and type up this blog. In fact it's riled me so much I may just have to do some how-to's and post 'em to youtube. grrrr.

Happy crocheting everyone :)

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Smothered in slobbery kisses...

Slobbery, open-mouthed kisses. With TEETH. From the baby of course.

What you have to look forward to Ange...

 ; )

Friday, March 13, 2009


....So I had the misfortune of catching the tail end of the all new "NZ's Next Top Model" just before Rove last night - Rhys Darby - absolutely hilarious!!! .....but I digress...
PUH-leeeeseee! What are these people ON?!! They are going over who will "go through" to the next stage and looking over the girls' photos from their recent swimwear photo-shoot - One girl's picture comes up and they are like "ooooh - she look's unusual!" (but they clearly mean unusual in some kind of "cool" way). PEOPLE!!! She looks "unusual" because the girl is MALNOURISHED!! Her BONES are sticking out of her SKIN. That girl should NEVER be allowed to wear swimwear! She is the poster girl for failed eating disorder rehabilitation - REALLY!!!

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Um...No. Just No. Yep. That's it.

Today I got yet another of those "list 25 random things about yourself and then tag a bunch of unsuspecting friends who are then expected to comply and do the same" - the second of two so far.
I suppose my friends believe that I will feel some sort of overwhelming compulsion and obligation to do this. 
Not I.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Dirty Satin trim....?

I saw this in the custom request section of Etsy tonight:

And I can't let it be...nope....I just gotta say....Is this person FOR REAL? They MUST be kidding?!? A "MAN" Shawl?!! I can't even get my head around them using those two words together....Tell me I'm not wrong here???

PS - Sherry If you're ordering this for Eric under an assumed name as a surprise I'm SO SORRY!! :P

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Breaking news....

This just in - according to Michael Pirates existed in the 80s or - the "olden days"  - that must be what happened to the dinosaurs.....
....Certainly explains the knicker bocker pants fashion trend, sailor style stripey tops, and rolled up pants - for ease of wading in the shallows surely :P

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Standing ovation!

The most hilarious thing happened tonight. I had just discovered that the two older boys were playing with the cord from the heater and its plug and that Jonty had actually plugged the heater in (it was 32 degrees CELSIUS here today according to the TV1 News for those not in the know - so heat is NOT something we particularly want more of at this time...) So...back to the story...I had just discovered the older children playing with the heater cord which resulted in a rather loud and imposing " NO means NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!" rant from me during which Michael noticeably hid behind the lounge door and Jonty hid behind some other piece furniture. When I had finished and all was quiet, I looked around to see Joseph standing in the middle of the room who - almost as if on cue - seemed to perceive I had finished and began to applaud me. 

"Huzzah! A man of quality!"
(one of our fav. quotes from Flushed Away - seemed appropriate here)

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Fun with Neon.....

I Really, REAL-ly, REALLY...want to put up a big sign out front of the Centre city mall - by the speed bump - you know - the SPEED BUMP - the one everyone seems to think is a pedestrian crossing for some reason. REALLY. It's NOT a pedestrian crossing. It's a S-P-E-E-D B-U-M-P. Designed and intended to SLOW motorists down. That is WHY motorists (hopefully) slow down when approaching it - NOT because it is a pedestrian crossing and they're inviting to you toddle across in front of them - no. Rather because it is a SPEED BUMP. Say it with me. S-P-E-E-D B-U-M-P - annnnnnd IF a motorist was foolish enough to go over it at speed they would likely put their head through the roof of their  car or feel like their head TRIED to do that without success. 
        Getting back to my sign. It would be imposing. Demanding attention. Not easy to forget or overlook. It would state clearly in no uncertain terms that this particular section of road was a SPEED BUMP. Not a pedestrian crossing. Please don't think of it or use it henceforth as such. It is a SPEED BUMP. Do not expect motorists to stop. Do not glare at motorists who do not stop. Do not stare shocked and reprovingly at me as I drive past failing to stop for you because it is NOT a pedestrian crossing but a SPEED BUMP. A SPEED BUMP.
         Hints that it's NOT a pedestrian crossing. Signs, lack thereof - road signs - slow down pedestrian crossing ahead and the like. Road markings, nonexistence thereof - the known symbols for pedestrian crossings on roads warning motorists that a crossing is ahead. The crossing itself - painted zebra crossing "stripes" typical of a .... pedestrian crossing - just not there. Those stripey poles with the ball shaped lamps on top - nope, not there.
        Hints that it's a SPEED BUMP. Different colour from rest of the road - tick! Road is raised in a ....wouldn't you know...BUMP! - tick again! Crissy-crossy speed bump lines - tick tick! The fact that it's NOT a pedestrian crossing - tick times infinity.

Guess there's just only one last concern to deal with - would Neon be more effective?