Saturday, October 31, 2009

"Candy from a baby"...

So - here's the scene - Jonts is attempting to play hangman with me - his rather disinterested Mum. Except playing with Jonts can be more frustrating than it already is with any child - you see he hasn't completely grasped the concept of hangman yet - mostly he doesn't get that when one guesses a letter correctly that you're supposed to fill in every space where that correctly guessed letter "appears". FRUSTRATING! So...we're kinda playing hangman and I can clearly see "pooh" at the end of the phrase - in my mind I think - well SURELY that's Winnie the "pooh" so I guess that. Nope. Well then it must be a Pooh and someone else. I guess "Tigger and Pooh" - nope. I give up. What is it? MY friends Tigger and Pooh! - Jonty exclaims. Arrrggghhhh.

It isn't till a few seconds later that I realise that Jonty (who has not filled out his "mystery" phrase) is still attempting to involve me in the same game. That's RIGHT. The same game wherein he just moments ago spilt the beans! I begin "guessing" letters in quick succession.

Suddenly, Jonty lets out an exasperated "OHHHHH!"
"This game is just TOO easy for you!" he huffs.

Friday, October 30, 2009

Mad Hatters....

(above - CLEARLY a "lout")

Earlier this week I was reading an article in the ODT regarding several bars in the Octagon and their owners who have got together with an initiative to (amongst other things) curb "loutish" behaviour in the Octagon at night - particularly in regards to their own premises of course. As a means to this they have accordingly enforced a "dress code" - no one is to be allowed to enter who is "wearing excessively ripped clothing (note revealing and scanty - STILL ok!), steel capped boots/shoes (fairly logical/understandable) OR beanies". ! .
Beanies! Beanies? I read this and immediately thought - how ridiculous! A beanie? REALLY?! What's wrong with a beanie? Since when did beanies become one of the prime indicators of one being a "lout"? Or that one would be the type prone to "loutish" behaviour? Now, let me put it to you - are they not setting themselves up for a rather large fall here? I mean, aside from the ridiculousness of banning people for merely wearing beanies - how is one to identify "beanies" and distinguish from other types of hats? It's leaving it entirely to the discretion of the bouncers really. THEY'RE probably wearing beanies! OR is this easily side-stepped by a clever response such as "Oh this? Oh no - THIS isn't a beanie. Oh no! Why it's a TOQUE*!!"
Bouncer: "Oh why didn't you say so? So sorry! In you go!"

*NOTE: Toque = Canadian term for beanie

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

...It's the little things....

Last week Chris and I were watching the tail end of a NZ version one of those "save us from certain financial doom!" type shows - at one point when they were going over various things with "this week's" struggling couple they (read here - financial "experts") allowed the woman to be treated to a manicure. As she sat having her nails done they explained to her that we have to allow ourselves at least one treat for sanity reasons and that this would be her one treat that she would still be allowed to have. At this point I turned to Chris and said,
"My one treat is to have hair ripped violently from my legs with hot wax. Yup, that's my treat."

What's yours?

Random Musings...

...One night earlier this week...
Chris: WHY am I SOOOOO tired lately?
Me: ...Perhaps you're pregnant!

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Fridge Invaders...

Jonty and Joseph are notorious fridge invaders.

I was just sitting thinking - I bet Joe is into the fridge again. I wonder what he's into now? I round the corner only to be presented with following delightful sight -

Glad wrap on the ground. Joe holding almost an entire cucumber, munching on the cut end and saying "mmmmmmm" very enthusiastically, with a look on his face that says "Got any more...?"

I doubt many parents are greeted with this sight.

I doubt many parents "fret" cos their kids keep "pilfering" veges from the fridge.

Yup. My kids are Vege FREAKS.


Epilogue....I cut Joe TWO generous, approximately centimetre thick slices for him. Upon hearing, "NO. That's ENOUGH." he promptly began crying...

Monday, October 5, 2009

Bowling for...Ice cream...?

We had a fam bam dinner at our house on Saturday night. Steak no less - once I had returned the stinky rotten meat of course. I also bought a tub of ice cream - not necessarily particularly for the occasion - we RARELY get ice cream. And I mean RARELY. It's a treat. Also I knew friends who were going to another friends' to view a certain "fight of the century" might want to stop by for one of my coveted Ice Chocolates and so I was just covering myself.
Anyway we all sat down to dinner - Mum had made a pudding and I informed her that I had bought ice cream to supplement it if necessary - cookies and cream - on Jonty's insistence. Anyway we all ate dinner and then it was time for pudding. Out came Mum's delicious chocolate sponge with fruit (peaches and apricots with a chocolate sponge poured over it and baked - yum!), whipped cream and ice cream. The ice cream tub was passed round and we all dished out for ourselves (bar the kids of course) - in fact I began to wonder what was really the point in having one person to dish out pudding for everyone - that is until I spied one of our guests (a friend over for dinner and to catch a ride to the aforementioned fight viewing) helping himself to two scoops of ice cream. Two LARGE scoops of ice cream. In fact LARGE is somewhat of an understatement - these scoops were pretty much exactly the size of the mini bowling balls at the Laser Force place on Frederick St - one scoop = one mini bowling ball, two scoops = two mini bowling balls. It was at this point that I happened to catch Dad also noticing our friend helping himself to the ice cream. Dad's eyes widened - in fact it was more of a whole face affair - and I could just hear his mind thinking aloud "JEEPERS!". I began giggling furiously and had to look down at my own bowl so as not to draw attention to the friend's portion. Michael noticed my fits of giggles and asked what was so funny. I replied, "Grandad's face," but didn't look up as I knew I would lose it.

THIS, I thought to myself, is why there is one person designated to dish out for everyone else. Yup.

Saturday, October 3, 2009

She can do MAGIC!!

Earlier this week the Monk-ster and I had the following conversation. His dad had just bought him a brand spanking new "tech deck" (tiny miniature skateboard) a few days earlier and he was all hyped about it and practising doing "tricks" with it....

Monk-ster: Mum! Can you do "tricks" with this...? (He proffered the tech deck in front of him in his hand)
Me: Why YES! (I snatched it from the proffered hand, raised both arms above my head with a ridiculous overdone flourish, then lowered them slipping the tech deck into my back pocket) Ta-dah!! I made it disappear!!
Monk-ster: Not that kind of "trick"! (said with an amused annoyance) Can you do any other "tricks"?"
Me: Yes!! (I quickly slipped the tech deck out of my back pocket) - I'm going to make it "re-appear" on the other side of the room (pointing - I then threw the tech deck - concealed in my hand - across the room feigning ignorance that the Monk-ster could clearly see my "trick"). I'm MAGIC!

Then we had a good laugh.

Just to clarify...

Preface - earlier that afternoon...
Fuzz: Mmmmmm..... Wholegrain...(grabbing a loaf...)
Me: Wholegrain....?
Fuzz: (grudgingly) Oh ok. Multigrain.
Me:It's not the same you know.

Later that evening...
Me: How about you make me some honey toast?
Fuzz: But all I've got is crappy Multigrain bread. I thought you didn't like crappy Multigrain bread.
Me: No. It's just that once I cracked my tooth on some Multigrain bread. I actually quite like Multigrain bread - it's the breaking my tooth part that I'm not so keen on...

Friday, October 2, 2009

How to make a checkout operator SQUIRM

For some time now, particularly as a former Mystery Shopper, I have been wondering how these Supermarkets, which are now charging for their plastic bags, are getting around the whole putting Raw meats in plastic bags rule - hmmmm?

So today whilst buying steak for dinner I thought I would voice my query. It went something like this:
(this was just after she had inquired as to whether I would like a plastic bag and I had said 'Yes').

Me: Sooooo.....I've just been sort of it is that Supermarkets are getting around this - aren't you supposed to put Raw Meats in a separate plastic bag? Because I used to be a Mystery Shopper (check out girl became VERY noticeably visibly nervous at this point) and that was one of the things we had to check for...
Visibly Nervous Checkout Girl: Uhhhhhh,.... I don't know, uhhhhhh.....

It was QUITE enjoyable to watch.

However I believe that quite possibly responding to a random checkout person's attempts to engage in overly zealous unnatural conversation with mirrored crazy person enthusiasm might also have the same effect. Quite possibly.

PS - In the end I had to take the meat back cos it STUNK and was clearly rotten - Chris said I had to do it because I am better at being mean, nasty and rude to people than him : P