Things I just don't get...

* Unsweetened whipped cream.....WHY????

* Specifically mentioning "garlic" as a flavour of Hummus eg. Sundried Tomato and garlic - garlic is a main ingredient in Hummus after chickpeas and tahini (I make my own at least weekly) - what gives?!

* People who constantly attempt to post blog-spam on a comment moderated blog - what's the point?!

* I've been reading some reviews on IMDB of the new "Nightmare on Elm Street" re-make movie. One of the main complaints I've noticed is that the "new" Freddy apparently is not so tall as the original and people are complaining that a short Freddy is not so scary - he has knives for fingers! And can kill you in your dreams!!- Who's taking note of height?!

World's next leading Telemarketer deterrent?

I've been mulling over the amusing conversation I had with the telemarketer the other day and the ridiculousness of the fact that they rang us not even knowing that we had already signed with them. DUH.

And then also, the surprise of the telemarketer, at the revelation that YES we were already customers of theirs.

And I've come to a decision - this response was SO good at producing a satisfyingly dumbfounding effect on the telemarketer that I think I will use it again. Whether we're signed with them or not.

imagined future conversation with telemarketer

telemarketer: Hi this is blahblah from blahblah company and we were in the area and wondering if you were interested in a blah for your home?

Me: We've already got one thanks.

telemarketer: Oh. You do?

Me: Yes

telemarketer: Oh. really?

Me: Yes....well no, I'm lying but we don't want one anyway. THANKS!!!

(click)

This woman is CRAZY

These were my exact immediate thoughts as I read a "Dear Neighbor" letter from a woman sharing her concern (read: whiny complaints) about noise pollution from the nearby motorway - namely some development on the motorway that the City Council has planned.

A little background about the area where we live:

1. We are right near a MAIN road.

2. Over the main road is the MOTORWAY overbridge.

3. Next to the motorway overbridge are not one but TWO RAIL overbridges - you know, that TRAINS frequently travel back and forth on.

4. Behind all these overbridges AND the main road is a street (practically across the road) that houses CARISBROOK aka The BROOK - Dunedin's current main venue/stadium for all National and International Sporting events, Concerts and so forth.

(here I should also mention that the woman in question resides on the aforementioned MAIN road).

Does this woman even LIVE at her house?!

(said with a tone to mirror Guy's "Do you guys even READ the script?!?" from Galaxy Quest)

As I see it, this woman has two options:

1. Get over it.

OR

2. MOVE!!

Clearly INSANE.

PS - Not to mention this woman spelt Neighbour without a u (hence the italics above).

- Does this woman even LIVE in this country?!? (said like Guy, ....AGAIN)

BEST response to telemarketer.EVER.

Telemarketer: Hello Mrs (mispronounces name)

Me: Hello - that's Mrs (corrects mispronunciation)

Telemarketer: Oh, I'm so sorry (slightly flustered). This is (name)* from (Electricity company's name)*. We're lowering electricity prices here and were wondering which electricity supplier you're currently with...?

Me: We're with YOU guys! Just recently changed. We're. with. YOU!

Telemarketer: OH.

*Names have been left out to protect caller and company respresented by said caller from HUMILIATING "Die in dirty underwear" EMBARASSMENT.

Aarrghhh! Me "Teethies"!?

Last Friday I had a dental appointment at the local Dental school (professional treatment for a fraction of the price - well ok, that fraction is still a fair bit....but). I have been assigned to a new dental student - you see last year I had a root canal (not for the faint hearted) - which in all honesty - probably worse than child birth (I've had THREE! - children that is). Sooooooo painful. So all that's left to be done is a crown on top of the tooth that had the root canal - to protect it and keep it strong. While we discussed this, my assigned student also pointed out that perhaps I might fancy some crowns for a few of my other teeth which had rather large visible fillings (he also explained that while they were in pristine condition now, in the future they may get wear and start to leak). We discussed colour too - gold crowns he said while stronger than porcelin "teeth coloured" crowns, are well, GOLD. I agreed - "I don't want to look like a pirate," I responded.

Highlights of Dental visit:

1. Both the dental student and I concurring on the whole undesirable-ness of looking like a pirate c/o Gold crowns.

2. "Teeth coloured" - I really like how the dental student referred to the porcelin crowns as "teeth coloured" - notice NOT "white". "Teeth coloured" I feel is a more realistic description of teeth colour and surely a more desirable shade than "so white they are BLUE" teeth that we see a lot these days c/o the whole whitening craze - want teeth that don't require a darkened room to glow? No thank you!

3. Both the Dental student and said student's tutor said that I had "beautifully cared for teeth" *BEAM*

I'm such a sucker.

Yes. I look like this EVERY day. I REALLY do.

BRILLIANT!

I'm snickering away to myself because this morning just as we were leaving to take the boys to school I saw my other neighbour's kid cutting back down our drive to his place - NO - this is NOT what I'm snickering about! I'm getting to it!

Anyway, I realised they must've missed their carpool ride to school and offered him and his sister a ride to school after I dropped my own boys off at their school.

So anyway, after I drop my boys off Jake gives me directions to get to their school - which ends up being hidden away in a tangle of narrow side streets (a somewhat bizarre place for a school I thought!). Then it turns out I can't even drive round the front of the school because that end of the street is one-way - so instead I drive round the back of the school and drop them off.

Then......just as I'm pulling out to go home what should I see...but the green carpool van that the kids usually catch a ride with every morning to school - driving past me and around (I presume) to the front of the school.

So.....the kids miss their ride, I offer them a ride instead - after their ride has left, I drop my own kids off at their school, the weather is squally - constant bucketing rain, strong whistling winds AND I needed directions - and I still beat their usual ride to school...?!

It's just TOO amusing....snickering away....still.

Note to self...

...for future reference...when making pagi popo.....smaller and less buns, more sauce, deeper dish and maybe a lid? KNEW I should've used that GIANT casserole dish - ah well, Thank goodness for oven liners, eh?

"Undercover"

So night before last I just happened to be strolling past my open bedroom door, on my way to the front room, when something caught my eye....my bed. My pristinely made bed...was messed up. A lot. Totally messed up all down one side. I stopped. And looked. And felt an angry warmth quickly spread through me as I thought "WHICH one of my delightful children did THIS?!?" And then I stepped nearer to straighten the bedspread and stopped. Annoyance quickly turned to amusement. I had heard something. A faint something, but something to be sure. A wheezy snoring to be exact and on hearing this I looked towards the bottom of the bed where now I could definitely make out a smallish mound. So then I got my camera:

and then there is also this beauty:

Who else thinks the exposed belly coupled with bright red face is a good look....?

Snacking on knives...

Chris' Grandma has a saying she regularly uses - whenever one of us makes some extremely witty quip she says "You must've been eating knives today" (ie. because we - or our "wit" to be more exact - is so sharp - ha!)

Here are some and memorable quips of late:

I was outside weeding the brick path around the garden and Chris came out to tell me it was time to get ready and go over to Mum and Dad's for dinner (he and Monk were going to the movies c/o a Hoyts gift card from Simon and not coming with us). I acknowledged him and said I would be in in a minute. Then he came out re-relayed the message to me, with the same response from me. The next time he came out to re-re-relay the message to me he added:

Fuzz: Is this how the boys muck around in the morning...? Is this the example they follow...?

Me: NO. The boys don't actually do anything productive.

Me = weeding. Weeding= Work. Work = Productive.

SEE

And

....and

See.

PRODUCTIVE.

I told Chris that some heat pump company rang during the day - the conversation went something like this:

Salesperson: Hi, I'm ringing from blah blah heat pump company (I REALLY don't remember the name of the company). We have some heat pump cleaners in your area and were wondering if you'd like your heat pump cleaned?

Me: We don't have a heat pump.

Salesperson: Would you like a heat pump?

Me: No, not at this time thank you.

Chris said - my answer should have been - Why? Are you giving them away for FREE....???

The Mother's Day SCORE

So before I let you all in on a few of the AWESOME gifts I was spoilt with I thought I'd just ask first if anyone else with older children noticed how Mother's Day conveniently became the perfect excuse of the moment for not listening/being generally obedient/getting things done? : )

I did and Oh how amusing it was.

Bobo/Monk for instance - Oh I can't get dressed because I'm diligently building this Lego monument to you for Mother's Day

Donts - Oh I can't do my homework/make my bed etc because I'm making one of a bazillion Mother's Day cards for you

How does one argue with that?

Anyway...onwards to the gloating over the score!

I must first (having touched on them briefly) reveal those imparted by the kiddlicks.

Monk's Lego Monument which I renamed a "Lego Sculpture"

( I also suggested that perhaps it was some kind of armoured fish - don't you think?)

Meanwhile, "Donts", I'm convinced was out to break some kind of Guiness world record for Mother's Day cards (picture to follow).

As for self-nicknamed "Dodo" - well he's just adorable enough as is - isn't he?

And Fuzz got me this brilliant companion planting gardening book - EXCELLENT! It's an A-Z guide for NZ with all sorts of handy tips, including some really interesting info on herbs and flowers that can deter bugs and other pests. I started reading up on foxgloves and was just beginning to think what a perfect sounding plant it was - helping to vitalise tomatoes, apples and other plants as well as deter pests - at least I was right up until the part when I read a little further only to discover that it was in fact (for all its goodness) HIGHLY poisonous and even potentially fatal. BUMMER.

A close-up of the awesome new book

I also just had, had, had to share this lil' passage about Basil from the book. HILARIOUS. I think it's my favourite part:

"Early botanists warned that those delighted enough by the smell of basil to take the powder of the dry herb and snuff it up the nose would turn mad and die with a nest of scorpions in the brain. Statistics don't seem to prove their findings."

BRILLIANT.

Milo much...?

I couldn't resist capturing this milo mono-brow

BRILLIANT!

As he and his brothers were drinking their milos I overheard this enthusiastic exclamation from the kitchen from "Dodo" (his name for himself):

"YAY!! MI-MOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Words to live by those, words to live by ; )

An open letter to Spammers....

Dear Spammers,

I don't know why but you seem for some reason to be particularly attracted to my blog - not for long though. As of now I'm flickin' the "I must approve each and every comment" button back on. Will never have to have your comments grace my blog again. EVER. So....GIVE UP.

Not so sincerely,

Me

She's a Maniac, MA-NI-ACCCCC....

(I'm singing this aloud you realise......okaaaay, only in my head)

SO after a morning of cleaning up a kitchen milk bath/milk tidal wave that got into, onto, over and through (not in any particular order) the stove top, down the side of the stove, down the side of several cupboards and several bench tops, IN the toaster, over, in and on the microwave, all over the floor, AND vacuuming and wiping up sugar spillage that was quite possibly caused by the sugar equivalent of a "lolly scramble". Quite. ANNNNND stripping, cleaning and dressing a certain milk soaked toddler. Yelling and screaming at older siblings who somehow missed all this. Rigging the tv not to work by turning it off with the remote button, turning it off manually, turning off the switch and also pulling a couple of random cords and switching off the video machine. After a morning of getting cheek and such delightful comments from the oldest of the minions like "Got any more?!" After FINALLY despite all this, somehow managing to regain some semblance of normality, order and tidiness and being able to shower and dress with lightening speed only to find that my darlings had thought this would be the perfect time to watch a MOVIE. YES. A MOVIE!!!! ANNNND break off the glass door of the video cabinet in their efforts to do so. After fiddling with said glass door with much difficulty and with a reassuring constant commentary of "that's not gonna work" and "that DOESN'T work" and "NOPE. Tried that" and managing to get the door reattached. After ALL OF THIS.....I've come to the conclusion that somehow convincing my three angels that I am indeed CRAZY, a Maniac even, would be a good thing. A stroke of brilliance. Yep. This is what I need to do - thoroughly convince them that I am completely crazy, potential psychotic tendencies and all. Do this and surely they'll be so petrified of me and what I might do that there'll be no chance of milk tidal waves in the kitchen or the like AGAIN. EVER.

PS - next time Monk buries a knife halfway up the handle deep in the Marmite I am so making him lick that baby clean. YUP.