Ooooops....!

I was just checking in on an Australian site I used to consign with - they now only do Wholesale. Anyway, my details should have been removed but imagine my surprise to find not only my entire "all-about-me" designer blurb but my EMAIL address (that is just like bling overload for spam-magpies) still there amongst all the other designers' info with just one click....so I type up a pleasant, civil even, email requesting that ALL my info/details/EMAIL be removed please...only I addressed it to Pam.....when it should have been addressed to.... Jan....

How bad is that?

IS that bad?

OoooOOooopsss! : P

I hope she still removes my info.

REALLY do.

I'm holding you WHOLLY responsible!!

Dear Pams Brand/Foodstuffs,

Last night I was late finishing dinner. I was occupied by the mess left by YOUR brand 4L milk carton (that I had only just bought the day before) had made all over the inside of my fridge! Why should that cause me such delay?

1. I had to find my camera.

2. I had to take pictures (for PROOF!) of the mess YOUR defectively sealed milk had made inside MY fridge.

3. I had to clean the carton.

4.I had to clean the copius puddles of milk inside my fridge.

5. I had to clean other items soiled by the milk.

6. I had to walk and scan my formerly gleaming kitchen floor in a grid-search-like pattern blotting at spots of milk from the carton which STILL leaked when placed upright!!!

Your fault, YOUR fault, YOUR FAULT!!!

See that you seal cartons PROPERLY! GRRRRRRRRR!!

Regards,

Disgruntled Me

PS - I hope your improperly sealed carton didn't result in spoiling the milk, which we have all consumed now, and that we don't all die a horrible torturesome death from food poisoning - if we do however I foresee you being in considerable trouble : )

One glove to fit them all...?

Me: One size fits all eh?

Chris: Whaaaat?

Me: I sense you struggling to put those on and that they're cutting off blood circulation....

(said as Fuzz struggled to squeeze into a pair of disposable plastic gloves)

The Devil you know....

Random facts about ME!!

1. I'm a fussy parker - I want, no, NEED an even amount of space on either side of the car in addition to parking between the two white lines or parking space outline - and I will reverse and correct till it's PERFECT damn it!

2. I won't park next to someone who has parked badly - that is someone who has parked too near, on OR over the line separating our parking spaces ORRR someone parked opposite my park who has the entire front end of their car parked where mine should be - it's as much for the actual difficulty in parking next to someone who parks like this, as for the "fear" that others will view my parking skills scathingly since I neccessarily need to park just as badly to park next to them.

3. I analyse things.

4. I am cynical.

5. I am sarcastic.

6. I have been told that I look like Sade - SNORRRRRT! (this TRULY deserves a snort-ish laugh)

7. I yell at my kids in Japanese when I'm mad.

8. I yell in Japanese when I'm mad just in general.

9. Sometimes I yell at the kids in Samoan - very rarely - I'm trying other languages to see which is the most effective as English doesn't seem to cut it.

10. I am fussy in other things - I will undo an entire crochet creation to correct a missed stitch. FUSSY!

11. I know that sarcasm is totally lost on kids and revel in using it anyway. Frequently.

12. I am probably going to hell for my cynical and ridiculing frequent use of sarcasm.

13. I am allergic to a bunch of things, most of which I don't know about.

14. I like doing things for myself and learning to do those things I can't do yet so that I can!

15. Technically my name is from a Greek preposition.

16. I am a freakish Grammar geek and incorrect syntax causes me to physically and visibly cringe.

17. I am pedantic and will delete my own comments even and repost them corrected because of incorrect Grammar and/or spelling errors!

Savvy....?

Dear Supermarkets,

If you wish to sell Tropical/Foreign Fruit and Vege - such as for instance Taro - you really should hire/enlist the aid of someone who has experience regarding the purchase of such exotic items. REALLY. Failing to do so will result in you purchasing Fruit and Vege that bugs will scoff at devouring. Pretty soon people are going to start to talk. Talk about what? Talk about how you're practically charging your customers to throw out YOUR rubbish.

So...till you are able to find the relevant experts to assist you in making wise future purchases...here's a little tip that will hopefully ensure your next purchases are a little more ...savvy.... MOULD is a fairly good general indicator of a BAD purchase choice.

Regards,

Produce Quality Shark

Fun with knives....

Years ago I worked as a Merchandiser doing direct sales - we went into businesses and sold to employees working there - anything and everything. This particular time I was selling knife sets and I had gone into a computer store - the salesman that I was selling to bent down to check out my "REALLY NICE shoes" (just like it was a Tui ad...), he then interrupted my sales spiel to ask if I had a boyfriend so I came right back with - "I dunno, are you gonna buy some knives?"
He wrote me out a cheque right away.

Creepy slimeball.
To this day I'm so surprised it didn't bounce!

(This is in response to a fellow Etsyian's hilarious blog about being propositioned at a market by a mud covered man who asked her on a date to collect bottles with him)

Poetic license

I was only just trolling Etsy for a high waisted denim pencil skirt. I thought to myself - that would certainly look swish. So I enter "high waisted denim pencil skirt" in the search engine and hit enter - 6 results spring up. Now initially I find myself quite amused by one particular skirt which claims to be high waisted and a pencil skirt and denim - denim it was - high waisted? I doubt it would be long enough to reach one's butt - let alone cover it - that "skirt" is nothing BUT waist. MORE like LOOOOONNNNNNG waisted...and er, well....little else...

Then I saw, among the 6, this little number (emphasis on the little) :

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=24805433&report=report#report

Now why, WHY, WHY OHHHHHHHHHHHH WHY??!?! would "Leopard Lace Shorts" show up in a search for a "High waisted denim pencil skirt" you ask? Why that is because the completely unscrupulous peoples selling said SHORTS have used "high waisted", "denim" and "denim skirt" as tags for their item which would you believe is NOT "high waisted" at all, is made from FLEECE - no not "denim" would you believe, ANNNNNNNND is not even - yep, you guessed it! - not even a "skirt"!!! Not only that, but the seller has ALSO used "blue" as a tag while in their description they clearly state that the "shorts" (NOT skirt!) are lime green and PURPLE.

Curious.

My search for the perfect high waisted denim pencil skirt is forgotten. In fact, I think I would be hard pressed to think of anything more irksome and enraging. I know there is such a thing as "poetic license" but describing something as something that it is not at all - am I missing something here?! It's like sugar coating a razor blade and giving it to a blind person, telling them it's a new type of hard jube - no?

Who knew "Poetic license" had such a broad scope...? Ohhhh the possibilities....

A snippet of (L)ydiate life...

Chris: Who's the better dancer - Me or Michael?

(brief pause whilst I survey and assess dancing)

Me: Well your's definitely wins points for the LEAST likely to injure others or break things....

I only just noticed this!!! ARRRRGGGHHHH!

I've only just noticed this - the dates seem to be set to US time. Arrgggghhh! This IRKS me no end.

Refinement Process....

...Okay...you'll just have to be happy with this pic. It's not exactly the same blend....this one's a well thought through mix of Whittaker's Dark Block, Snot (a staple ingredient it seems) and Vege Lasagne.... Blend well and....ENJOY!

Actually I can't decide between this picture and another where he looks rather stunned...it'll have to be this one...

Btw...all JoJo flavours are personally blended atop his "unlicensed" high chair.

A taste for change...

I suspect Joseph was working on an all new flavour of "every flavour beans" yesterday morning in preparation for the premiere of the latest HP installment...Marmite, snot and Olive oil spread - think it'll take?

(You'll just have to imagine him completely slathered in a mixture of Marmite, spread and snot - with the odd toast crumb - I'm sorry I just can't let things like that stand - I HAD to clean him!!!)

Spell Cheque...(sp)

Michael wanted to know what the red lines were and how you got them there when you are typing...

Mum: That's because Americans spell things incorrectly...

Michael: Oh....(pausing to think intently on this...)...Do they know how to spell 'Monday'?"

(pffffft!)

Mum: (chortle) Uh, yes.

Sunday snippet....

...Home today from church with sickly Jonty - it seems his amusing and oft times completely irrelevant responses are not just limited to Primary.

Mummy: Hey Jonty, why don't we read a scripture or two and then play a game of mini monopoly?

Jonty: OHHHHH!!!!( It is imminently difficult to accurately convey with mere words Jonty's Melodramatic Soap Operatic Level enthusiastic responses) Mummy! OHHH!! That would be a GREAT idea!

Mummy: Okay go and get my scriptures please.

Jonty: OKAY!!!!!

Mummy: How about we read one of your favourite stories or scriptures?

Jonty: OHHHHHH YESSSS!!!!

Mummy: Okay then. What's your favourite? Which story or scripture do you want to read?

Jonty: Chapter 11.

Mummy: There are a lot of Chapter 11s.......Which is your favourite?

Jonty: (intently scanning and searching each page with his finger, then finally....) THIS one.

Mummy: Uhhhh....THAT..... is the INDEX.

Equally classic is Michael's spontaeneous reaction when I reported this snippet of conversation to

him....